Hello lovelies, i have been thinking lately about the pressure women who are above 40 go through because of marriage, or girls who feel that all their mates are married and had glamorous weddings. Menh its not worth it o. Shine your eyes don't put yourself in trouble because of shame o. In this post am going to tell a story of a woman. Most of the time, young people are so much in love with the idea of getting married, they romanticize marriages and their spouses. They see only the fanfare and none of the patience and hardwork involved both in choice of partner and in the sustenance of same. Marriage is more than a ceremony, a lot more. It is more important to make sure you choose the right person than that you hosted the most glamorous wedding. Before you get too excited I will tell u a story, I wanted to tell u guys 3 stories but it will be too elaborate, so I will tell u one and then you would judge how ready you are to send out IVs.
Story culled from hints magazine
Afoma is a beautiful woman in her early 20's , gorgeous ,down to earth, loving. She was simply a piece made by God and deposited in a fairly comfortable family. And did men queue up for her? Of course! Rich, poor, handsome and ugly, all sorts of. Even the blind somehow perceived she was a special kind when they came in contact with Afoma. She received gifts from men but made no commitment with anyone. At 24 she got married. "Who is the lucky man?" My dear , that is tenth wonder in the world, do u know Afoma refused to marry any established man who was prepared to do anything to get her attention. But why ? you may ask , she said she wants someone to build with so she married one hungry man oo ( lol). The guy read chemical engineering but he left school six years ago at that time and was teaching chemistry and physics in a small privately owned school. So finally the wedding took place which was totally sponsored by Afoma's family . she must have settled down to marital life but was it happily ever after for her?. She has been hiding all she can out of public eyes until 6 years, that was when the gist of the nightmare she lived through came out.
First she lost two successive pregnancies because her husband took her body for a free punch zone. Next, his insecurity was so huge, he did not allow her to keep any meaningful employment. She had to resign from her juicy job with an international health agency because it involved a little bit if traveling and her husband would not have that. She got a job with a bank as an HR staff, her husband did not like the hours either and said he was uncomfortable with the reputation of bankers, never mind that his wife was not in marketing. After a few months and a few punches, she resigned and started working in the organization of her dad's friend as head of HR. Afoma's husband first complained that he did not like the hours. He said he did not like the idea of his pregnant wife closing late from work and struggling to get home at a late hour. No one pointed out to him that if he was so concerned for her welfare, he could use her car which he was cruising around town to pick her up and take her home. The chairman of the organization made allowance for the company pool car to pick and drop Afoma everyday. After a while even this was not good enough for her husband. He said that the level of favor could only mean that the chairman of the organization was having some amorous liaison with his wife. She had to resign again. After Afoma gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, her husband came to the hospital and created a huge scene. He said that his suspicion has been confirmed. He called Afoma all manner of unprintable names and he said he was sure the baby was not his that all male children in his family always had sons first ( Una dey see wahala). When mother and child were discharged from the hospital, he refused to allow them into their home. He said he needed a DNA test to determine who had the child, he or the chairman and in the interim, Afoma should go back to her fathers house.
It was at this point that Afoma's family decided to teach the man a little lesson. They ejected him from the home they had rented and furnished for the couple. They took back Afoma's car from him and left him totally wretched. They also told him they had agreed that the child was not his. Immediately, the young man changed his song. He went to Afoma's parents to demand his wife and daughter back. Afoma's younger brother used the opportunity to beat him up for all the punches his sister has taken in the cause of the marriage. They further locked him up for three days for coming to harass them in their own house. The marriage was irrevocably broken down.
Let's review a few obvious points here
First, nothing says that being fresh out of school with only a foot on the career ladder would necessarily make one a better husband. Many times we blame young ladies for insisting on "ready made" husbands. The more focused ones would therefore insist on marrying a man who is still struggling and with whom they would labour side by side to make a better future. It is believed that these men respect their wives more and the woman also enjoys more authority in her household ( these are all societal stereotypes and I have talked about it). There are no guarantees here , from Afoma's case, her "beginner" husband gave her a worse time than she would have expected from the more established ones.
Secondly, an abusive spouse never hides. It is anxious partners that refuse to take the initial hints. A man that has no handle on his temper or who is punch-happy cannot hide for too long. What happens is that the anxious partner begins to make excuses for him, they accept blame for his character deficiencies. Watch out for such unbridled temper.
Please guys tell.me what you think. Feel free to drop your comments. Stay blessed. xoxo....
